Bear with me..
Bear with me. This is going to a messy piece, as, usually, I write what makes sense to me in my mind, but in my mind I’m still trying to make sense of this as I write. So, this will be messy..
Love is an evolving and necessary piece of the human being. I mean the actually being, the soul that inhibits our body, and the unit—the soul, mind, and physical body—all together. It is built and grounded into us, we need it to live. We need to love, to feel love, and to receive love,whether it be love of your family or the love of feeling alone. We love. We evolve and grow to love others, to find them a perfect fit for our entire self…we see them as a wonderful and necessary addition to ourselves, to make us happy, better, grateful, satisfied, warm, whole. To make us smile. We need love and when we find love we love love. Sometimes, we don’t like love, but love is stronger than like so therefore, even when we don’t like love, we still love love. So, when we find someone we love, they become our definition of love, and we infinitely love them as the person we are in the that moment in our life. So, when people question how it could have been love for such a short time, they should understand that we go through times in our lives when we are changing rapidly. So, in a moment we can feel immensely for someone, but at the phase we are in our life, a change within ourselves is bound to occur, causing all the perfect puzzle pieces of that person to slowly fall out of place, making our image of our perfect match not so perfect. Not for anything they make have particularly done, but because we are going through change. We are growing more into the self we are supposed to be. Sometimes, though, it can last for an extremely long period, and then come to a mundane end. Why? Because we are at a phase in our life when our change is slower, and more gradual, but never the less impending. So, I guess the speed of love makes sense. There is a time, I believe, that we find our ‘true love’, which is true because we are at a point in our life when we are ‘truly’ ourselves..true to ourselves most importantly, and true to our love. It could be with someone who’s always been around, but just in the platonic form, or someone new we come across. Interesting, I think.
When I hear the beat of the song, my body is no longer in my control
The bass and rhythm takes over, my movements transpire from my soul
Dagger, wine, grind, thrust.
The way I follow the beat, you’ll begin to fall in in lust
Reggae, Dancehall, Soca, the music of the islands
You may hold my body, but the controls is out of your hands
Follow as my hips move every which way, ticking meticulously
To the underbelly and overlaps of the song, you keep up persistently
Or…at least you try
Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.
Everything I warned myself of in my last post, has been steeply unraveling these past few weeks. The nagging, the arguments, the scarred heart. I would say I was just too weak to actually step away, but I know I’m truly a strong person. But you. You make me weak. You make me crazy. You make me honest. You make me happy. You make me vulnerable. Without even trying. Lord, is it possible to care too much for somebody? Serious question. So much that I won’t even taint it by accidentally saying the ‘L’ word too soon. I want to fall in love w. someone, go through that process. Not just jump there because emotions are high. So now look where we’re at. I have to create space between us, by implying the ending of what we have. I just pray you reflect in our time apart, on everything I say—and I know, it’s a hell of a lot—and realize you do want me in your life the way I want you in mine. I hope it’s not too late, I hope time can heal this one. Not just us separately, but us as a unit. Because I’ve never felt so sure about something. Never in my life. But I’m sure we’re not through. I’m sure our time to be great—together—just hasn’t come yet. And if you do happen to so easily move on from me, then what can I do. Then I’ll know I really was in way deeper than you. Damn, that will hurt. But I have so much faith in us, for some reason I can’t figure out. I hope, if you give me the chance, I can teach you how to open your heart to be vulnerable to someone you care about, and trust them w. your heart. If we truly are supposed to be together, then we will be such a great, epic force. But we both need to become the better versions of ourselves, for our, as a unit, sake.
Note to Myself
I need to pull back. I’m getting too attached to someone I’m not even truly in a relationship with. I care so much about them, but the little things bothering me aren’t things I’m in the position to bring up. Therefore, I have to restrain myself, and protect my heart. I’m falling in deeper and deeper, but I may just be slowly drowning myself. I know this is something worth fighting for, and this is just apart of the fight—to keep from broken hearts, angry arguments, nagging. It hurts to know I’lll have to work to keep myself from you…and even more to know that me doing this might not even really matter to you. Better to find that out now, though, so that’s that. I hope you understand, and know that I still care immensely about you, and that I appreciate all the happiness you give me…but you’re just not ready to fully commit to somebody, and neither am I…but what I’m expecting from you is more than I should. I know it’s because we’re getting way to close for the stage we’re at, and I recognize this. So, I’m going to take the advice I get from everyone, and pull. back. Hope this doesn’t make me lose you, but then again, everything happens for a reason…and I’ll trust that if you do so happen to slip away…